I have learned that that when your kids get off a regular schedule life can get a bit interesting!
I am sad to see the school year starting soon. (My oldest starting Kindergarten) (Yes, I will cry..My husbands always teases me that I will cry when Kobe goes to Kindergarten) He is right. I will definetely cry. I'm not ready for him to start school. But, I know it will be good and he will have a good routine. Either that or bring home bad habits. Hopefully, just a good routine. But, there are days I SWEAR Kobe's ears are painted on. There are days when I get so frustrated with him. For the most party Kobe is excellent. And as each of us do...we all have bad days. So, we have to realize kids have these days as well and we need to be patient with them..As they are with us when we have bad days. Kids are kids...But, there are times where kids (my kids) need to learn consequences to certain actions.
I was reading a blog...A blog I read all the time and one girl had a great idea!! So, I think I will incorporate her plan into Kobe's life and see how it works. For Devin..I will have to come up with something else...Lately, he has been in the habit of throwing things...He constantly throws rocks in the pool and it drives me crazy....I have to get them out before the creeper gets them and ruins the creeper..
Anyway, I am going to copy and paste this great idea from a blog..(I hope she won't mind)
Anyway, I think I will try it....I'll let ya know how effective it was...
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BLOG ENTRY I READ
a few months ago, i started having a few "mommy" troubles...you know - those times when you start to wonder if a monster has taken over your child's normally sweet and lovable personality and replaced it with a mean, grumpy, stubborn, naughty, angry, irritable and moody personality? well, that started happening with one of my children. (no need to mention any names eh?) the monster episodes became more and more frequent, which lead to me having many "mommy meltdowns". what is a "mommy meltdown" exactly? well, at my house, it's when i completely lose my "nice mom voice", all patience flies out the window and i start yelling, then crying and finally end up hiding in my closet. yeah - they're not very fun.
a big fear of mine...one that i have had since i first became a mother...is that somehow, without knowing it, i will "ruin" my kids and they will end up needing lots of therapy because of me. (i stress often about whether i'm a good enough mom to my kids and have FINALLY learned that i cannot compare myself to the moms who have 8 kids, home school them all, cook 3 square meals a day and provide sewing, cooking and piano lessons to each child individually...it's too depressing. and yes - i really do know moms like that. they are simply amazing.) anyway, because i'm constantly worried about ruining my kids, i didn't know how to solve this problem. i tried every trick in the book and still - nothing was working.
my irritable child only became more and more irritable as time went on...and i'm talking "15 year old girl" type irritable...and no matter what i did, things did NOT get better. it seemed like everything turned into a power struggle and i was having a hard time knowing where to draw the line. i was mentally exhausted and was starting to feel hopeless.
until now.
AND THIS IS WHAT SHE DID WITH HER PLAN
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a few of you were interested in how i'm implementing my new consequence and reward system for my kids...(the one that is working wonders in my home)...so here it is in full detail.
i cut out about 50 hearts and stop signs using my amazing little cricut machine. then, i wrote little messages to my kids on them. they were all a little different and pretty generic. on the hearts, i wrote things like "thanks for being so wonderful" and "we love having you in our family" and "thanks for all you do" and "you make life great". just generic little statements that are positive and uplifting and make the kids feel like gold.
on the stop signs, i wrote messages like "stop and think about how you're acting" and "stop and choose the right" and "stop and change your attitude". basically, these are the kinds of statements i found myself saying to my kids over and over again, which was starting to drive me crazy.
each of my kids have their own little bucket to collect both their hearts and their stop signs. each sunday, we start out with a clean slate. every single time i notice them doing something good - even the teeniest, tiniest things, i praise them and tell them how wonderful it makes our home feel when they act like that, and then they earn a heart.
on the flip side, every time the kids choose to not obey, or if they get sassy, rude, disrespectful or whine too much, i tell them that if they don't change the way they are acting, they will earn a stop sign.
as far as the rewards go, they each have the same rewards to choose from. (i'm just posting a picture of nic's reward list, but ella's is the same.) i give out rewards when they have earned 5 hearts and then move up to 10 hearts, then again at 15 and at 20. when they have earned enough hearts to get a reward, there are four very simple rewards that they can choose from. i made sure to keep it small and simple - and i made sure i did things that would be easy to follow through with. i knew that if i promised a reward that was too much of a hassle to follow through on, this whole thing would fail. so, seriously - these rewards are small and simple. as they earn more
hearts, the rewards get better...so while 5 hearts would earn them a pack of bubblegum or fifty cents, 20 hearts would earn $3 or a free saturday with no chores.
the same thing goes for earning stop signs. when they earn 5 stop signs, they get a small (but meaningful) consequence. when they earn 10 stop signs, the consequence is a bit worse and on and on until they are up to 20 stop signs - which is like the mother of all consequences. definitely the consequence that would cause the child the most remorse. the important thing that makes the consequences so effective is that the consequences are tailored to each child's personality. for example, three days of no tv to nic is a consequence he doesn't like at all...but for ella, that doesn't really matter to her. on the other side, telling nic he can't play with friends for one day doesn't bother him a single bit - yet to ella, that is just awful! so, these really need to be geared toward their own individual personalities. they also HAVE to be things that you WILL, FOR SURE, NO MATTER WHAT, follow through with!
that is the hardest part of the whole thing! the second week we did this system, one of the kids earned the dreaded 20 stop signs. it was heart wrenching, but i followed through with the consequence and took away their most prized possession for a few days. (we both cried).
BUT...there is a happy ending to this story. the following week, the child who earned 20 stop signs decided to try to earn more hearts than stop signs and for two weeks straight, this child has earned 20 hearts and only about 8 stop signs! it was a complete change! this child's attitude flipped completely around and is happier, more enjoyable, more obedient -seriously, a complete JOY now!
everyday, my kids try their hardest to earn hearts. they love to read the special little message and look forward to picking which reward they want. i have no idea if this will work for other families, but for us, it has been a life saver! if you decide to try it with your kids, be sure to let me know how it goes! good luck!
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This idea I think will work..I have a couple of other ideas as well..So, I'm still deciding what idea I want to try...But, I think this will be GREAT!!!!
Kobe says, "It's so hard to be good when you are so bored." Yes true!! but,we also need to find fun things to do so we aren't bored..
Anyway, for other Mom's out there I thought you might want to read this as well!!
Enjoy!!
